Relationship abbreviations, decoded

Dating profiles and relationship forums run on abbreviations, and most of them are never explained anywhere the person reading them will find. Here they are in plain terms.

One thing to hold throughout: an abbreviation states what someone is looking for, not who they are. Someone whose profile says NSA today may be in an LTR next year, and neither is a fixed category.

LTR — long-term relationship. Someone seeking something serious and lasting, as opposed to casual. The most common abbreviation and the least ambiguous. It says nothing about exclusivity or about marriage; it is a statement about horizon.

NSA — no strings attached. Sex without romantic commitment or an expectation of it developing. The strings being referred to are obligation, exclusivity and a shared future. NSA arrangements work best when the terms are said out loud, which is exactly what the label is supposed to have done — and frequently has not, because "no strings" leaves contact frequency, exclusivity and whether feelings are allowed entirely undefined.

FWB — friends with benefits. A pre-existing friendship that includes sex. The distinction from NSA is the friendship: FWB has a relationship to preserve if the arrangement ends, which raises the stakes rather than lowering them.

Situationship. Not an abbreviation but it belongs here. A relationship with the intimacy of something serious and none of the definition. The distinguishing feature is that at least one person is unsure what it is, and asking feels risky.

DTR — define the relationship. The conversation itself. "We need to DTR" means we need to say out loud what this is. It exists as a term because the conversation is avoided often enough to need a name.

ENM — [ethical non-monogamy](/base/ethical-non-monogamy). Sometimes CNM, consensual non-monogamy. An umbrella: the person is not seeking exclusivity, and the label tells you nothing more specific than that. Worth asking which kind.

Poly — [polyamory](/base/polyamory). Multiple romantic relationships with everyone's knowledge. A subset of ENM.

Open. An established couple who are sexually non-exclusive while the romantic relationship stays between the two of them.

Monogamish. Structurally monogamous with a narrow, named exception.

Solo poly. Multiple relationships with no intention of merging households or finances with any of them.

LAT — living apart together. A committed, often long-term couple who deliberately keep separate homes. Increasingly common among people who have been married before.

QPR — [queerplatonic relationship](/base/queerplatonic-relationships). A committed partnership that is neither friendship nor romance.

FLR — female-led relationship. A relationship where the woman holds primary decision-making authority. The term covers a wide range: some people mean an ordinary egalitarian relationship where she happens to lead, others mean an explicitly negotiated power exchange with rules attached. The letters alone do not distinguish these, and assuming which one is meant is the most common error with this one.

MLR is the reverse and is used far less, largely because it describes what many relationships defaulted to without needing a name.

D/s — dominant and submissive, a negotiated power dynamic usually but not always sexual. Distinct from FLR, though they overlap.

Metamour — your partner's other partner. Common in ENM contexts and useful precisely because there is no ordinary English word for the relationship.

Compersion — pleasure at a partner's happiness with someone else. The counterpart to jealousy. Not a requirement, and does not arrive on schedule.

Hinge — in a V-shaped three-person arrangement, the person connected to both others.

Unicorn — a single person, usually a bisexual woman, sought by an established couple to join them. The term is often used critically, because the arrangement frequently gives the third person no say in agreements they are expected to live inside. See throuple.

Nesting partner — the partner you live with, in contexts where cohabitation does not imply primacy.

Relationship anarchy — declines the ranking of romantic relationships above friendships, and negotiates each connection on its own terms rather than by category. Related to the relationship escalator critique.